i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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