i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
