Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
