Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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