next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
