Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
