she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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