Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
