woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
