so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
