How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
