1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
