He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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