Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
