so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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