Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
