You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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