Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
