i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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