I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize