The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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