Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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