Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
