Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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