whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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