That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
