Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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