I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
