I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
