eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
