I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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