Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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