I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction