Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
