I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
