Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties