I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"