I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.