you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink