but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
