Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
