I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
