You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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