your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
