Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
