I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
