the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I cut my penus on the lid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
