She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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