Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
