I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
