Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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