when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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