I look better un-naked...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
