Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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