You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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