Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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