Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
wow bdsm is so cute
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
