based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
