evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
