I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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