Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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