Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
