i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
