my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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