Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize