ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
