You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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