"it" just moved
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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