booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
