Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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