Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
