He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
