I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
