I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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