Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
