$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
