Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
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I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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