I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
