You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
