Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
