bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
