I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
