We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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